thinking

wow, this is the first time in ages that i really felt led to blog. i have been thinking alot lately and praying for a specific issue. and course my first reaction to this was ''oh no, this is going to hurt me, how will i address it, without getting emotional. i feel god said ''this is not about you, susan'' ugh,,,,,,i had to take a long hard look at myself. I HAVE SOME DEEP SEATED INFERIOR ISSUES> i didnt think i cared what other people thought but of course i do when i have to be involved in their lives on a regular basis. i sometimes sabatoge the best in my life, by already assuming they dont like me. after all i have so many flaws...............some of them are right in your face..........but the god we serve doesnt have flaws and he takes those very flaws, lets some of them show to the point of nakedness, and somehow if we yield to him and let him, gets glory out of the very thing you would think would be useless. is god amazing or what? but sometimes that means we have to in faith let him take those very flaws, let other people witness them and use us in spite of them. to show it clearly is not us, it is him. i called one of my friends and definite encouragers so much to me in christ., this morning and she shared this dream she had , had and it so reflected my life and my flaws. it spoke clearly to me the issues that god wants to deal with at this moment in my life. i definetely have some issues with authority. and looking back over my life , it is not without reason. . but god doesnt want me to always have these issues. time to deal. ugh........... i need to really know if god approves me it doesnt matter what others think. but i still have to walk in love. i need to really grasp those in authority are people too. and i am not always going to agree, but i still have to walk in love, and if god wants me to do something he will be there with me. iron definetely sharpens iron and every experience is learning ground if i yield to christ in each circumstance. does this mean i wont get hurt, unfortunetely it does not, but god is a god of vindication. if i get hurt he is there to help me get some tougher skin next time. and if he shows me something in time it will prove true. always gottta get out of my comfort zone. i like my comfort zone i like my walls i put up of so far and thats it. i guess god has other plans. may he have his total will.