god is still god................

wow, what a rollercoaster of a week of emotions. i feel like im running this race and every distraction is being thrown at me to get me out, and i am at a walk pace, quite dissalusioned, but i feel myself getting sick of feeling sorry for myself and getting ready to put up a fight. oh i am so hurt at all the things that we have been thru, i know god has a purpose but i have no clue to what it is.........'' yet though he slay me, yet will i trust him;; is the only verse that comes on my heart. god is still god, but in my minute mind and perception to things, i am hurt..............where is the breather????i have been stydying for my test which will be in a couple of days, pressing thru all these things, i said man this job has gotta to have more perks down the road then i can even know..........its just got too. one of the three has bailed so its down to me and mike, and she tested us yesterday, and i got double right this time. i am still in this.............taking lisa's daughter, brida, sabrina out for one last brush up on the road lesson and i will study some more and then it is all i got..........this has been a learning time for me on pacing myself, going the extra mile even though its hard and i have seen some results. well i hope i make it, i sure expect too. lisa is leaving in the morning for south carolina to see mel graduate from bootcamp, i am so happy for her. we have walked together thru so much this year with the food pantry, her not being employed , my children. me, her dad, man bittersweet year. she deserves this, she has been a good friend and sister in christ, and i thank god for her. please pray she has a GREAT time. my prayer life has stunk, i cannot fake my walk with god, i never will, my faith has been shaken, but i know god is still god, and he is in control and i say this thru tears.......knowing he loves us and he knows what is happening here even though i am in shock. even my marriage has taken a beaten but i have definetely seen god use this to change us.......praise god.......................