Sunday, March 22, 2009

marriage encountre 2009

we just got back from the most effective ministry that we as a couple have ever experienced. paul is the one who said when amy first mentioned this experience that was available to us, that he so wanted to go. i agreed not expecting much more than a much needed time away, alone together.for quite a while now, i have put god on the back burner not trusting so much . very dissalussioned with my marriage. i mean heck the last year has been so tough on me, and yes we made it thru and god has moved but i have prayed for a few really important issues and gave god my best so many times and still no results. i feel like for my whole life the enemy had me on his major hit list. and to be honest it got the best of me for awhile. so i attended but not much true participation to the things of god. although looking back god still all the way thru used me. i dont deserve that.......................i cry thinking about my putting the one really true love of mine right on that back burner. i didnt want to be hurt any more i didnt want to fight anymore about things i clearly could not fix, and god he was taking his sweet ole time. at least i believed that. i figured if i just didnt care than no body was gonna hurt me any more. i truly was so hurt inside. all along i could faintly hear god whispering susan i got plans for you. i got big jobs ahead, but yet i couldnt get past the hurt. but this weekend god , in his unfailing, undeserving love for me, answered some of those pressing issues on my heart , and i could not believe it. and still even though i had him on that back burner, thinking oh yeah you want me to stick my neck out there again so i can almost right to the closest edge nearly get my throat cut. enough to feel the blade. of course he doesnt let it happen, but somewhere i lost my faith. oh my god. .....there was one instance at the conference, i was going about my own business and i noticed this younger woman there and how noone befriended her, so i felt the leading to acknowledge her, so even though i was in a hurry and i truly almost didnt listen, i approached her. i just welcomed her as we were walking back to our rooms. she held my hand and i instantly knew she was going to reveal something, and in my mind i thought if i stop i will never be able to finish my journal, after all we only had a certain amount of time. but i looked at her and said are you ok? and she started crying with a deep sob, that i honestly understood that deep hurt. this woman was in pain and i knew what pain was, so i started crying. she revealed that her and her husband came here as a last resort for help for their failing 12 year marriage, 2 children, and her husband told her tonite he was leaving , and this encounter was not going to change this so pack her bags. oh my god i could clearly see this women did not want to divorce this man. i got so holy spirit angry.i prayed with her , and she hugged me and i EXPECTED GOD TO SAVE THIS MARRIAGE. after all oh my god how many families will the enemy get victory over. HE HAD NO RIGHT. WELL THAT NIGHT IN OUR MEETING WHEN WE ALL HAD TO SPEAK GOD DID SOME THINGS IN MY HUSBAND THTA I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE. IN RON DAIGLE,JOHN BARNETT. SO MANY YEARS OF PRAYER. AND ALL ANSWERED IN ONE NIGHT. PRAISE GOD. THEN TO MY SURPRISE THE YOUNG husband stood up and revealed how he was leaving he had enough and god stopped him right in his tracks, these were leaders in their church. he said he had hope now and he was going forward with his wife and family. and then she said she praised god for the true sister in christ that god sent her way .i had so many times in my heart yearned for this, but would not even step out to help anyone. after all what right did i hAVE TO EVEN TRY TO PRAY FOR OTHERS WHEN I PUT GOD ON THE BACK BURNER. but i had to pray for her if god didnt help her she was going to lose her husband, her childen were going to lose their daddy, another victory for the enemy. i didnt care that he was hurling accusations at me, this women needed god to come thru. there was alot at stake. god just totally blew me away. and my husband , i have to shake my head. he is such a good man, and with god he can and will be agreta man. i truly never knew, because of all we put him thru that he loved me thta much. and thta he really thought very highly of me. because of all the negativity i didnt believe that. but i do now. for the first time in a long time. i feel hope. and i amso sorry to god for failing. he is so .good to us, and i clearly did not deserve it. praise god. ,